Never Comfortable

It's ok to know that you are smart,
As long as you know that you have room to grow.
It's ok to know that you are good,
As long as you know that you have room to grow.
Perfection is impossible,
Yet you must always strive for it.
Never Comfortable

Call to Action

This is a call to action

This is a call to arms

Pick up our friends and family 

The ones we led to harm 

Shattered visions, dreams destroyed 

Our white fathers, sadistically smiling

As they mutilate familial bonds

Under the false pretence of peace 

So incredibly beguiling 

In the business of stealing souls 

An insatiable appetite 

But our hearts are bankrupt 

We must liquidate our assets 

And return that which we stole 

Countless people fighting 

For their specific causes 

We must use our ill gotten power 

Acting as a semicolon 

To unite their separate clauses

I might add to this, but I feel pretty good about it right now. It initially started out as a blog post entitled "Why I hate feminism, gay rights, and black rights". I just wanted to talk about how I think they need to unite for human equality as they would have strength in numbers, more people to relate and empathize, and I forget my third point. I am in the middle of reading "Three Day Road", and I realized, through the injustice the Native's faced, that being an extremely privileged white male, we are the ones with all of the power, at least for now. I can't lie and say that I am incredibly knowledgeable about all of the wrong doings of white people. I intend on doing more reading about it, so as to educate myself, and in turn help spread a message of love. My new found interest in writing, specifically poetry, is helping me begin to organize my thoughts and find an outlet. 

Embracing My Fear

So many things have transpired
of late.
Catalysts of my future,
leaving me inspired.
For what's next.
For what's in store.
Fear has led me to ignore
my path, my feelings, my true self.
This fear took my passions and hid them on a shelf.

I closed my book, chapter unfinished.
Then I opened a new one and put pen to paper.
Writing myself an idealistic future,
a nomadic journey, running, away.

I embrace my fear, I do not oppose.
Failure is possible, who really knows?
But I will not let a single soul
accuse me of not reaching for my goal.
I will give it my all
and when I fall
I will crawl
as far as I have to.
Then rise up and walk
as far as I have to.
And I will break out into a run
as far as I have to.

I give a tumultuous war cry,
a scream to the heavens.
I have been tested.
Dreams; Manifested.

Music = Yoga

Meticulous awareness:
Technique, timing, posture, and breathing.
Expanding the vernacular
to express my soul's desire.
The second that I want to stop
is when it truly begins.
Yoga of the mind.
Passion and dedication are needed
to strengthen my fragile will.
One day,
nothing can stop me,
the next,

(Music and yoga are one in the same.
Constant struggle for presence.
I live for the battle.)

My thoughts carry me away.

To Be Alive

Education;
Obliterated my love of learning,
Disintegrated my childhood yearning,
Annihilated my burning
Passion:
Re-ignited.
Through love.
Love of myself, my peers, and my world.
Music, math, and science;
I want all the answers.
Content, however,
to just strive.
I can never know it all.
To learn, though,
to learn is to be alive.

Men's group

So my good friend Jon and I have been going to this men's group. The first rule of men's group? You do not talk about men's group! No betraying trust of these individuals and divulging information that they have said completely in confidence.

One of the things I learned at tonight's group was that I am fucking terrified of emotion. I can intellectualize it, talk about it, even convey how I feel in certain situations, but only after I have worked out what to say. Thank you social media, for reinforcing this terrible habit. Anyway, being confronted with emotion, raw emotion, that bare to the bones kind of shit that you can't prepare for. Just thinking about it makes me feel a bit of a pit in my stomach. I definitely need to work on being a little more adroit in my receiving of compliments. I need to retain my sangfroid, as it were ;) This most likely stems from a deep insecurity, some level of built up childhood adversity to vulnerability. Not to be too negative; in the right mood and the right mindset, I have made an enormous amount of ground in this area.

The point of this post was to post a poem that I wrote that was inspired by beautiful member of this beautiful Mankind Project, after he mentioned emotional illiteracy.


Revolution

Emotional illiteracy
Intelligence autocracy

Carefully concocted conversation
diverting.
Emphatic, facetious facade
obscuring.

I've forgotten how to read and write,
this language, this fine art.
It's time for a revolution,
a revolution of the heart.

I wonder if I will continue...

I have tried writing blogs before and they never seem to amount to anything. I may have found the trick that works for me. Write that shit down in that real life, old fashioned, pioneer way of pencil and paper. I seem to be more inclined to do this when I have something physical to copy out here. We shall see.

I think I am going to envision this as a conversation with myself, no need to try and pretend that I am blogging to millions. Need to remember to keep my ego away from the driver's seat.

Anyway, I intend to figure out the rules of grammar sooner rather than later so I learn how to fucking punctuate! Alas, that material went right over my head in elementary school. New project I guess, that and actually learning poem stylezzzz.

So here is what I have come up with on this night, the evening of February 1st, in the year of twenty hundreds and fifteen.

Unseen

Disconnect and reconnect...
Put down the phone;
Reacquaint yourself with the present moment.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Iiinnnhaaalleee.
Eexxxhhaaallleee.
Inspiration strikes
in the space inbetween.
Betwixt worlds,
space,
and time.
A plethora of opportunities.
An abundance of wisdom.
Face to face with someone much smarter than you.
So please, put down the phone;
Ameliorate the situation.
Your life is calling to you,
Wake up and live.



Visualizations/Fabrications

Pay attention to Coincidence,
To a more trained eye
see...sense...feel...
visualizations become materializations.
Manifestations of your mind.
Coincidence, forever disguised.
Revelations metastasized.
But, in a sense...
I look for patterns,
they're easy to find.
Fabrication
(am I mistaken?)
of the mind.
It matters not,
I am happy.

Especially coming out of college for music, I feel an immense relief just doing something to do it, for fun. I put so much pressure on myself in school to impress others and be a good drummer in other people's eyes that I lost touch with my love of creating. I plan to keep it up, so, um, yeah...let's just keep getting pucks to the net, gettin' traffic in front, and score some goals.

Word.